You Can't Shoot Them

If someone says there are no difficult people in their office, don’t believe them!

There are difficult people everywhere – at work, at school, when volunteering and even at home. You can’t shoot them, so I recommend you learn to work with difficult people.

This never works! The person does not go away. They do not usually change their behavior on their own. The worst part about ignoring the situation is that it gets worse, not better, when ignored.

Here are the steps to handle difficult people:

1. Determine your objectives – What do you want the person to do or say things differently? Pick your battles.
2. Look at yourself – Is there a pattern for your interaction with co-workers? Do you over-reactive to situations? What are your motivations, fears, objections, emotions, style, and values? How might you react or feel during the discussion? Do you need to change something about yourself?
3. Look at the other person – What are their motivations, fears, objections, emotions, style, and values? How might they react of feel during the discussion? What is important for you to consider when you approach them?
4. Look outside – What is happening outside that could impact the discussion or implementation?
5. Explore options – Talk with a trusted colleague, your coach or your Human Resources Advisor to investigate alternative ways of approaching the person.
6. Choose – Select the most productive way to discuss the issue based upon what you’ve researched.
7. Gather information –Research facts, data, & numbers – do not jump to conclusions.
8. Prepare for the communication – Are there any barriers to communication? What do you need to understand about the politics? What are the risks of addressing the situation and what are the risks of not addressing it? What do you expect will be their counter arguments?
9. Choose the best location & time for the discussion.
10. Have the conversation – Monitor body language. Balance advocacy & inquiry. Find common ground. Set consequences. Listen for facts, emotions & values. Discuss the behavior – don’t attack the person. Stay neutral – state facts not assumptions. Agree on next steps.
11. Follow up on agreements – Follow up with documented agreements, check on progress of actions.

12. If no progress:

    1. Escalate the issue to the next level of leadership – Bring documentation: include facts, impact on the team & yourself, what was said, & what you did.
    2. Limit access – Do not attend voluntarily meetings if they attend. Do not speak with them directly, if possible. Do not speak with them without someone else present, if possible.
    3. Transfer – Either that person or you.
    4. Quit – As a last resort but no job is worth your health

Want some coaching to handle difficult people? Contact me Valerie.MacLeod@HainesCentre.com